I was going blind. I just knew it. I could practically feel my retinas detaching. A writer, reader, pianist (who cannot play by ear; sheet music is required for this Chopin-wannabe), photographer, wakeboarder, world traveler, and newlywed, and I was going blind.
It was an afternoon like any other. I was at work, typing away, when my vision blurred and got blotchy. I thought, maybe my eyes are having trouble focusing because I’m right under the skylight. So, I picked up my laptop and went to a different room. Still no improvement. In fact, my eyesight was darkening around my peripheral vision. I couldn’t even read the words on my computer screen anymore.
I flushed my eyes with cool water in the bathroom sink. That brought momentary relief. I returned to my computer and attempted to resume working, trying to ignore the nagging thoughts attacking me. Your laser eye surgery went wrong…six years later. Say goodbye to your 20/15 vision! Have fun learning how to read Braille. Soon, I had a nasty migraine.
Oh! It’s just a migraine! My retinas were safe.
We women tend to jump to the worst possible conclusions faster than we can say, “Inconceivable!”Click to tweet
We women tend to jump to the worst possible conclusions faster than we can say, “Inconceivable!” And for understandable reasons, too. We feel the weight of responsibility to care for our families and households. But how could I take care of my husband if I couldn’t see? I knew God can work any situation for our good and to His glory, but even still, I had to fight off those worries.
As silly as it was that I thought I might be going blind, I was forced to question my identity. Who would I be as a blind person? If I couldn’t care for my husband in the same ways (not that I separate the lights from the darks when I do laundry even now…), or write professionally anymore, or enjoy my favorite hobbies, what makes me, “me?”
I know: I would be a blind superhero fighting off bad guys by relying only on my heightened sense of hearing.
Ha. A girl can dream.
In all seriousness, though, who I am isn’t dependent on what I do. Or, at least, it shouldn’t be. It’s dependent on what Christ did for me: overcoming death for the remission of sins. He’s given me a new identity, a new self. I’m adopted into God’s family. I’m a co-heir with Christ. I’m freed from the law of sin and death. I don’t have to worry anymore!
Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:25, 33-34
If I’m seeking God and His righteousness, everything will fall into place. He has a plan. I’m going (to try) not to ruin today by worrying about tomorrow. After all, I know who my Savior is and I know who I am in Him. The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10)!
Dear sisters in Christ, for our collective benefit and encouragement, share in the comments below if you’ve ever struggled with your true identity and how the Lord helped you overcome it.
Family Radio Staff