Stop Hanging Out and Start Asking Out

Categories: Hey Brother

October 2, 2017
Hey Brother,

The modern, single Christian woman has it rough. She meets a single Christian guy who is “super sweet,” he seeks her out and talks to her every day after church, and after weeks of back and forth he finally asks for her phone number. Then she finds out it was to invite her to a study group. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but in the secular world, a guy being nice to a girl and asking for her number is a clear sign he’s interested in her. But in Christian communities…well, there are a lot of mixed signals that come across in modern Christian courtship, and, Brother, it’s our fault.

Christian single men, it’s time to start being intentional about dating!

Now the Bible doesn’t mention dating specifically (if I’m wrong, please post in the comments below), it simply was not a prominent part of the culture back then. However, the Bible’s lessons apply to all aspects of our life, even romance. James 1:8 tells us that, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” This applies to faith in the context of James 1, but it also applies to how women perceive you. If you are interested in dating a woman, she should know it. She shouldn’t have to guess your intentions. How will she know? Well, it’s really quite simple…

Tell her!

Do it with your voice, in person, or on the phone. Don’t text, don’t Instagram, don’t snap chat, or tweet her. And, by all means, don’t just hang out with her and hope she gets the hint.

Not only is that not manly, it’s inappropriate. Get to know her in a group, and when you think you are interested in going on a date with her, then ask her out. Don’t pine away for her, planning your future together, before you’ve even made your intentions known and had a meal together. Being intentional will not only be better for her heart, it will be better for yours as well.

In Amos 3:3 God says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Now in context, God is using this analogy to explain how he communicates with his prophets, but the importance of communication is clearly evident. If people need to agree to even walk together, how much more do they need to communicate and agree to date each other?

Now, I get it, being direct is not exactly the cultural norm nowadays. However, women will respect you for it. No one likes playing the dating game. No one likes being confused about a guy’s or girl’s intentions. I’ve seen far too many guys agonizing endlessly over a single text, wondering what a girl meant by it. If they were direct with the girl, maybe they’d get a direct response back.

“But, but, but, what if she says no?” you may ask. Well, then it’s a no. But a question never asked will never be anything but a no. All men need to learn to deal with rejection, both in relationships and in life. Remember you are not defined by who you are dating, your spouse, or your job. You are defined by your fantasy football league. Just kidding, I wanted to make sure you were paying attention. We are, of course, defined by our relationship with Christ!

Ephesians 5:23 tells us that as men we are called to be the head of our wives and families like Christ is the head of the church. So, remember, Christ called the church. He didn’t wait for the church to call Him!

Do you have any verses you think apply to dating? Are you married and have tips for our single brothers? Please, share them in the comments below!

 

Kristopher Galuska

Family Radio Staff

9 Responses to "Stop Hanging Out and Start Asking Out"

  1. Stephanie Posted on October 3, 2017 at 3:36 pm

    Wow, all I can say is THANK YOU for putting this out there! It’s all truth because it is confusing for us ladies.

    God bless you and I love the blog posts from Family Radio!

    • Kristopher Galuska Posted on October 6, 2017 at 9:30 am

      Thanks, Stephanie! Glad you enjoy the blogs. We are happy to have you as part of our community!

      -Kris

  2. Jason Mitchell Posted on October 3, 2017 at 3:49 pm

    GREETINGS KRIS, GOOD ARTICLE. GOOD SCRIPTURE USE CONCERNING DATING AND HOW BELIEVERS ARE TO BE THINKING WHEN COURTING. BUT CHECK THIS OUT, YOU MENTIONED A CHRISTIAN GUY SEEKING A GIRL AND TALKS TO HER EVERYDAY AFTER (CHURCH). … NOW IN ALL DUE RESPECT TO OUR BELIEFS ABOUT WHAT THE BIBLE TEACHES CONCERNING THE ‘CHURCH’, NAMELY THE LOCAL CHURCHES & CONGREGATIONS, AND HOW WE ARE TO COME OUT OF THEM. (MATT 24: 14-16). WHAT IS YOUR UNDERSTANDING, OR MATTER OF FACT, WHAT DOES THE BIBLE TEACH ABOUT, IF THE ONE THAT I’M COURTING BELIEVES THAT GOD IS STILL USING THE LOCAL CHURCHES & CONGREGATIONS AS AN ‘INSTITUTION’ TO PREACH, TEACH AND SEND OUT HIS WORD. AS OPPOSE TO MY BELIEF THAT GOD IS SENDING OUT THE WORD OUTSIDE THE CHURCH THROUGH MINISTRIES SUCH AS FAMILY RADIO?

    IS IT A MATTER ? DOES THE BIBLE SUGGEST I WOULD BE GOING AGAINST GODS WORD IF I’D PURSUED A LIFE WITH HER?

    I ASK THIS QUESTION WITH HUMILITY AND PURE INTENTIONS TO SEEK TRUTH. FOR I KNOW HAROLD CAMPING LAID OUT NUMEROUS STUDIES CONCERNING THE BIBLE’S TEACHING REGARDING THE END OF THE CHURCH AGE.

    ANY SUGGESTIONS?

    • Kristopher Galuska Posted on October 6, 2017 at 10:29 am

      Hey Jason,

      First of all, thank you for commenting, and thank you for being so open and humble with your questions.

      There are a lot of things to unravel in your comments. But first, let me answer one of your big questions. No, I don’t think the Bible suggest you would be going against God’s Word if you pursue a life with this woman just because she interprets the scripture differently than you do. There are so many things in the Bible that Christians have debated for centuries that we still debate today. The most important thing is Christ and God’s gift of Salvation through Him.

      That being said, the belief in the end of the Church age is a very big belief and something that will affect your life together. What if she wants to go to church and you don’t? If you have children, how will you raise them? These are important things to consider on ANY matter of difference when choosing a spouse, not just matters of biblical doctrine.

      If it’s an issue before you are married, then it will be an issue after you are married. Getting married almost never fixes the problems in the relationship. In fact, it brings those problems and differences to the forefront. Which can be good. Marriage has made me a better person. But, you don’t want to go into a marriage knowing that there is a problem and hoping it will be fixed. See if you can work together and fix it first!

      Now, I’d like to specifically talk about the end of the Church age doctrine. It may surprise you to hear (maybe not) that I don’t believe we are in the end of the Church age. In fact, many of the staff at Family Radio no longer believe in that doctrine and teaching either.

      Now, this blog post on dating isn’t the place to debate this doctrine (though it is a worthwhile discussion to have). However, I’d like to propose that in the grand scheme of the Gospel of Christ it doesn’t really matter.

      If I’m wrong, and we are in the end of the Church age, how does that change the fact that there are indeed churches out there that are teaching Jesus faithfully?

      Look at Paul’s letter in Philippians. To give some history, he was in prison, and some of his adversaries were actually preaching the Gospel to try to get him into more trouble. This is what he said:

      Philippians 1:15-18 “Some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife; and some also of good will: the one preach Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction to my bonds: but the other of love, knowing that I am set for the defence of the gospel. What then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretence, or in truth, Christ is preached; and I therein do rejoice, yea, and will rejoice.”

      Even if it is the end of the Church age, Christ is being preached! We should rejoice when Christ is preached whether it is through a church, a missionary, a friend, or Family Radio. God uses broken people to share his love not perfect people. The only person that was perfect was Jesus.

      So, when it comes to the woman that you are interested in, does she love Jesus? Does she profess Christ as the Lord God and her savior? If so, then it sounds like she would make a great wife for the right Christian man.

      Now that may not be you. That is a question I can’t answer. But, I’d ask you to take a step back and look at her honestly. See if she meets the answers above. Then, look at the Church she attends. Do they profess Jesus? Do they seek to love God with their whole hearts and love others as themselves? Is God actively working in the people of the Church?

      If so, then it sounds like these are people we should be around.

      Jason, thank you so much for your questions. I’ll be praying for you both in your walk with the Lord and your relationships. And please pray for me and the rest of us here at Family Radio. We are just human after all, but we try to seek after God and his truth in all we do.

      God bless!

      -Kris

      • ANDRE Posted on October 8, 2017 at 10:17 pm

        HI KRIS IT IS WITH GREAT SADNESS , THAT MY AND MANY OTHERS WORST FEAR HAS COME TO FRUITION THE FACT THAT WITH OUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT FAMILY RADIO HAS BEEN CAPTURED. I AM SURE HAROLD CAMPING IS TURNING IN HIS GRAVE. TO MY FELLOW BROTHERS IN JESUS CHRIST HOLD FIRM IN YOUR BELIEF AND PRAY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE GONE ASTRAY.

  3. Karl Posted on October 4, 2017 at 6:28 am

    I appreciate your article it was really fun and insightful I for one am single never married no kids and I’m 49 and enjoy being single.

    I’m very picky when it comes to a woman I don’t know if that’s called superficial but I like a certain look body and personality..in other words the package. I would rather be alone than be with someone im not passionate about.

    God created with this perception and if He will change me on that then so be it. So now I like what I like I haven’t really found it not really looking to tell you the truth but if I do find it then praise God

    I have no problem approaching and asking a woman out and I agree men should be men and be courageous in all areas of their lives.

    And i would add..after the physical catches a man if he knows her personality is marriageable he needs to ease out smoothly and in a gentle manner and be considerate of our sisters feelings. Do not string her along for a kiss sex or companionship. Also if you made it clear she is not your type and she understands and is still willing to be with you because she says its ok..DO NOT ALLOW her to hurt herself and still cut it off. Women who still hang around a man after they know he is not that into her is hoping for a change n eventually emotional pain will be the outcome

    True love is a gift from Gid. We cant make anyone fall in love with us. The personality I may not like about a woman may be the personality another man loves.

    May Gid lead all single men and women to their ideal mates.

    mypurposeisyou@gmail.com Karl

    • Kristopher Galuska Posted on October 6, 2017 at 10:48 am

      Hey Karl,

      Thanks for commenting! Sounds like you may have the gift of singleness 😊. That’s great! If you don’t have the desire to be married then that gives you way more time to pursue God and show Christ’s love through your life to others! Trust me, getting married and having kids takes up A LOT of time. LOL

      Now, from one brother in Christ to another, I’d just like to say I think you may be too worried about the physical attractiveness of your potential spouse. Yes, it is important to be attracted to your wife. But here’s the important thing to realize, our looks and our physical attractiveness fade rather quickly. And even if you found the most gorgeous, supermodel woman in the world to be your wife, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes would not be satisfied. All you have to do is look at celebrities and athletes who cheat on their supermodel wives. Our flesh never has enough. Only God satisfies.

      When I found my wife, I was, of course, attracted to her, but that’s not why I married her. I married her because I realized that when we were both old and wrinkly, I’d still be laughing with her and having impromptu dance parties in the kitchen or while brushing our teeth. I also knew she would be a good mother, love our children, and constantly share the love of Jesus with them.

      So, Karl, I’m not condemning you or anything like that. I’m just urging you to take a step back and look at yourself honestly. Maybe physical attractiveness is too important to you?

      And like I said before, it is totally fine being single! Just use that free time you have to glorify God!

      God bless,

      -Kris

  4. Jason Mitchell Posted on October 6, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    GOOD LOOKING OUT KRIS, FOR THIS IS GOOD…

    1)So, when it comes to the woman that you are interested in, does she love Jesus? Does she profess Christ as the Lord God and her savior?

    YES, AND KNOWING THAT CHRIST WORKS THROUGH US, (MEN & WOMEN AS BELIEVERS), BUT ME IN THIS CASE, I WILL ALWAYS PUT FORTH THE EFFORT TO COMMUNE, TEACH, LOVE AND EMPATHIZE WITH HER AS I AM GIVEN THE WILL TO DO SO AND VICE VERSA. FOR WE ARE HUMAN AND MAY SLIP IN THE WRONG DIRECTION BECAUSE OF OUR FLESH. BUT IF WE’RE SAVED, AND ONLY GOD KNOWS, (1 Corinthians 15:57) STATES:

    but thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

    2)What if she wants to go to church and you don’t? If you have children, how will you raise them?

    WHAT IF? …I BELIEVE PATIENCE IS THE KEY, AND TO BE FRUITFUL WE MUST PRAY, READ/LISTEN, HEED TO OUR BIBLE’S CONTINUALLY. …AND CHILDREN ARE A GIFT FROM GOD AND SO IS A WIFE, SO IF GOD WILLS THIS, SO IT WILL BE.

    AND IT IS TRUE WE MUST AGREE ON ALOT OF PHYSICAL THINGS. FOR WE ARE NOT APART BUT PLAY APART IN OUR SOCIETY RING’S. WE MUST ALSO AS (INDIVIDUALS),TOGETHERLY MAKE A LIVING IN THIS WORLD TO SUSTAIN OUR PHYSICAL KEEP. AND YOU KNOW WE GOTTA EAT, AND WHO WOULD KNOW THIS IS ONE OF OUR FAVORITE THINGS 🙂

    ENOUGH… FOR WE ALL KNOW OR WILL COME TO KNOW WITH A STRONGER GROWTH, THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL. SO ON THAT NOTE I’M GONE BUT NOT BEFORE LEAVING US WITH ONE TO GROW ON (PROVERBS 3: 5-6):

    Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
    6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

    SO YOU KNOW, THANKS BRO,
    JASON.

  5. Kristopher Galuska Posted on October 10, 2017 at 9:46 am

    Thanks, Bro!

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